Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
