giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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