Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
