is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
