Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
