very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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