Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
