Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
