So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
