if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
