so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Watching her eat just hurts me
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
