i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
