My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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