You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
