So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
