Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Did I show you my penis last night?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
