there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my being single is dangerous.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
