Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
