Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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