Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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