My Higher Power is John Stamos
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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