she woke up with a sticky ear
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize