worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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