He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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