if i can run in heels then i can drive
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
