winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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