She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
