looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
