My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
