I didn't shave. On purpose
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
