So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Randomize
