girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
