I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
