Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
