If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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