i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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