fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm like, not good at living.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
