she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
