there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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