this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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