I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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