"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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