Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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