I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i will never coherently bang her
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
