Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
