all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
