If that was your dad, he is hot
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize