A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
