Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
