It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
