I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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