Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
