I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize