Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
