i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
