Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
