what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
