our cab driver is having phone sex.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
