Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
