I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
