Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize