Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
