You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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