i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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