Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
