is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
