Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
