Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
