i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
