are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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