Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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