True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
