The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Enjoy the penises
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
