that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
