"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
