Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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