i really wish james franco would like my vagina
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
