Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
