I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
