i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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