Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
