my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it hurts more in the daytime
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
