that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
