Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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