there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize