its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
