i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
