I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
