so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize