Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
