and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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