I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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