He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
