Sponge bath it is.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize