Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
nut hugger
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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