Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
