I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
