So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
