there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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