I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
