Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
