i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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