I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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