The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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