Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
