my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
