Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
