i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize