dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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