Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
