this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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