cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
